Today is the first day I have felt overwhelm. I'm good at being strong, good at being supportive, good at finding information and solutions and ways to understand. I'm not so good at struggle.
Although my journey looks very different from his, it is no less real and it is not going to be easy. He is transitioning, I am transitioning, we are transitioning. Today I was supposed to attend a symposium on gender identity & trans issues. I would have had to go alone and I wasn't ready to enter the space.
First, when I got dressed this morning I was wearing a dress, tights, and I curled my hair. When I looked in the mirror I became aware of the potential for judgement. Being femme in a queer environment can be challenging, and in this case I jumped to the question others might have..."what is this straight, cis woman doing here?" Without my partner by my side, I become invisible in the conversation.
Although I am not transgender, I am in the middle of a huge process and gender and transitioning has become the center of most conversations and free time. Research, google, books, movies, lectures, my work, conversations with friends & my partner... I'm breathing it, living it.
Today I'm going to stop and relax. I have plans to take a walk outside, sip coffee, read books that do not mention gender, watch some shows on Hulu, talk to friends on the phone...reconnect with myself. I need to maintain a space for myself....take time to breathe.
Although my journey looks very different from his, it is no less real and it is not going to be easy. He is transitioning, I am transitioning, we are transitioning. Today I was supposed to attend a symposium on gender identity & trans issues. I would have had to go alone and I wasn't ready to enter the space.
First, when I got dressed this morning I was wearing a dress, tights, and I curled my hair. When I looked in the mirror I became aware of the potential for judgement. Being femme in a queer environment can be challenging, and in this case I jumped to the question others might have..."what is this straight, cis woman doing here?" Without my partner by my side, I become invisible in the conversation.
Although I am not transgender, I am in the middle of a huge process and gender and transitioning has become the center of most conversations and free time. Research, google, books, movies, lectures, my work, conversations with friends & my partner... I'm breathing it, living it.
Today I'm going to stop and relax. I have plans to take a walk outside, sip coffee, read books that do not mention gender, watch some shows on Hulu, talk to friends on the phone...reconnect with myself. I need to maintain a space for myself....take time to breathe.
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