What is Cisgender Privilege

I just wrote a post examining gender vs. sex (read here) so for this post I wanted to strictly focus on what it means to be cisgender (cis) and what privileges come from that experience.

What does cisgender mean?  It's a word for the "norm".  This word describes the people in the world who feel that their gender identity is congruent with the sex they were assigned at birth.  For cisgender people sex & gender are connected and some may even say they are the same thing.

I was assigned female at birth and I have no doubt in my mind that I am 100% woman.  I may choose to adopt some masculine qualities or behaviors or reject some feminine roles but deep down inside I know that the word woman feels right for me.

This all comes back to privilege (an advantage granted or available only to one person or group of people).  Because I am cisgender there are certain things in life that I do not have to think about, that I do not have to worry about, or that I have never even noticed because I don't have to.

Cigender Privilege Checklist
Author unknown.
Based on Peggy McIntosh's White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

1. Strangers don't assume they can ask me what my genitals look like and how I have sex.
2. My validity as a man/woman/human is not based upon how much surgery I've had or how well I "pass" as a non-Trans person.
3. When initiating sex with someone, I do not have to worry that they won't be able to deal with my parts or that having sex with me will cause my partner to question his or her own sexual orientation.
4. I am not excluded from events which are either explicitly or de facto men-born-men or women-born-women only.
5. My politics are not questioned based on the choices I make with regard to my body.
6. I don't have to hear "so have you had THE surgery?" or "oh, so you're REALLY a [incorrect sex or gender]?" each time I come out to someone.
7. I am not expected to constantly defend my medical decisions.
8. Strangers do not ask me what my "real name" [birth name] is and then assume that they have a right to call me by that name.
9. People do not disrespect me by using incorrect pronouns even after they've been corrected.
10. I do not have to worry that someone wants to be my friend or have sex with me in order to prove his or her "hipness" or good politics.
11. I do not have to worry about whether I will be able to find a bathroom to use or whether I will be safe changing in a locker room.
12. When engaging in political action, I do not have to worry about the gendered repercussions of being arrested. (i.e. what will happen to me if the cops find out that my genitals do not match my gendered appearance? Will I end up in a cell with people of my own gender?)
13. I do not have to defend my right to be a part of "Queer" and gays and lesbians will not try to exclude me from OUR movement in order to gain political legitimacy for themselves.
14. My experience of gender (or gendered spaces) is not viewed as "baggage" by others of the gender in which I live.
15. I do not have to choose between either invisibility ("passing") or being consistently "othered" and/or tokenised based on my gender.
16. I am not told that my sexual orientation and gender identity are mutually exclusive.
17. When I go to the gym or a public pool, I can use the showers.
18. If I end up in the emergency room, I do not have to worry that my gender will keep me from receiving appropriate treatment nor will all of my medical issues be seen as a product of my gender. ("Your nose is running and your throat hurts? Must be due to the hormones!")
19. My health insurance provider (or public health system) does not specifically exclude me from receiving benefits or treatments available to others because of my gender.
20. When I express my internal identities in my daily life, I am not considered "mentally ill" by the medical establishment.
21. I am not required to undergo extensive psychological evaluation in order to receive basic medical care.
22. The medical establishment does not serve as a "gatekeeper" which disallows self-determination of what happens to my body.
23. People do not use me as a scapegoat for their own unresolved gender issues.

Here's an even more in depth of cisgender privileges from t-vox.org

Gender vs. Sex

Sex & Gender. They are not the same (if you don't believe me prepare to undo everything you know about gender and sex).

Sex: Refers to physical aspects of the body: chromosomes, genitals and hormones.

Gender: The meaning culturally imposed on physical sex characteristics.

In most cases, sex is assigned at birth - male or female - based on genitalia. There is no denying this.

From day one infants are treated in certain ways according to their sex - the toys that they are given, the colors they are dressed in, the way they are spoken to and they way they are spoken about. This is all about society's expectations, norms and assumptions about what it means to have female or male genitalia. For most people, this feels OK most of the time and natural so there is no reason to question the fact that female = being a girl or a woman and male = being a man or a boy.

For others, the sex assigned to them at birth feels limiting or all together incorrect. Many people make changes to their outer appearance to express their gender differently - clothing, haircuts, even taking hormones or having surgery. Gender is all about the soul and the brain - how one thinks, feels, and acts in relation to masculinity and femininity.

This still doesn't make a whole lot of sense to some folks who do feel like their sex and gender align. One way I've heard this talked about before is by separating sex and gender for a cisgender person. For instance, if a cisgender man is wounded in battle and loses his genitalia, is he still considered a man? He acts like a man, thinks like a man, talks like a man and lives as a man...but he doesn't have a penis...even without this major sex organ, his gender would be clear.

And a woman who has a hysterectomy and both breasts removed after a battle with cancer. Is she no longer a woman? Would you question her gender because she has a flat chest and is no longer able to experience "womanly" things like having a period or birthing children? Absolutely not.

Why then - if someone who does not have a penis also wants to live like a man, dress like a man, talk like a man, and feels intrinsically male - would anyone deny the same basic right of living fully and authentically? Whose to say that they are not male or masculine or "allowed" to explore their identity however they see fit?

Sex and gender are related but they are by no means bound to one another for all of eternity.

I'm also confused about why cisgender people think that there is some fool proof way to have any idea about genitalia...you may know dozens of trans people who you have assumed to be cisgender. And why the need to ask or categorize in the first place?  Why does anyone else's gender have any impact on you what-so-ever?  The next time you find yourself wondering..."is that person a man or a woman?" stop yourself and try to figure out why it matters.
 

Meet John.

John just got a new job.  On his first day of work, John is called Tom by everyone he meets.  "Hello, my name is John."  "Nice to meet you, Tom."  At first John lets it slide.  "Maybe they just mixed it up this one time," he thinks to himself, "surely they'll get it right soon."  After a while it becomes more and more frustrating.

John has had enough!  He says, "Hey, my name is John!  Please do not call me Tom anymore."

Some people hear John, some even say that they'll try their best...but ultimately most people continue to say things like this...

"I know you as Tom and it would just be too confusing to change it now."
"Tom, you understand right?  Nothing personal." 
"You look more like a Tom anyway, John doesn't really suit you."
"I'm already used to calling you Tom and it would be too confusing to change now."
"Don't make a big deal out of nothing, Tom."
"Oops, sorry, Tom.  I forgot.  I'll totally remember next time."

No.  This would not be tolerated.  If someone was calling me the wrong name repeatedly I would get angry and exhausted and sad and I would eventually shut down.  It doesn't matter why the people are doing it or whether or not they're meaning to do harm...it only matters that I am now in pain and feel unseen and unheard.

Truth is, cisgender people have rarely had to question what it means to be cisgender.  I tried to think of a similar scenario would help cis people get it and this is all I could come up with.  The bottom line is simple...I have to make a conscious choice to be respectful and deliberate about using the correct pronoun with the people in my life .  I have become more aware of my own use of gender in language so I am now better equipped to make less assumptions and be more open with everyone, not just trans people (or people I assume to be trans).

Make mistakes.  Be brave.  Apologize.  Ask for guidance.  Ask how you can support.  Start over.

Pronouns - They/Them/Theirs

He/Him/His & She/Her/Hers are not the only options.  That's right, there is language beyond the gender binary.  They/Them/Their is one choice of an alternative for trans people who do not wish to use gendered pronouns. 

Sometimes it may feel counter-intuitive for a cis person to utilize They/Them/Their.  Typical responses I've heard to this request are...
1. But it's plural.
2. That is grammatically incorrect.
3. I don't get it, I'll just use he/she because that's what I'm used to

My responses to this...
1. But that's plural.  True, it may be used as plural but there are times when we use "their" when referring to a single person.  For instance, if you see a backpack left on the bus which is not easily identifiable as belonging to someone of a particular gender you would likely say, "Someone left their backpack."  It's not incorrect, cis people just don't use it that often because we are so accustomed to gendered language.

2. That is grammatically incorrect.  It is OK to change a sentence to be "correct".  Swapping "Is he coming tonight?" with "Is they coming tonight?" would be incorrect.  You're allowed to make other subtle changes and say "Are they coming tonight?".  This ultimately comes back to the plural sound being "weird" or confusing for cis people.

3. I don't get it, I'll just use he/she because that's what I'm used to.  Nope.  Sorry, not an option.  Yes, you may be used to calling someone he or she but does your comfort outweigh their discomfort when you use language that they do not identify with?  It can be invalidating, painful, and silencing when people use pronouns that do not reflect the person that's being spoken about or to. 

And because I do not believe in fixing what is not broken, I would like to share these succinct and helpful tips for respecting another person's pronoun:

Pronoun Etiquette
(written by Dean Spade) via Sylvia Rivera Law Project

People often wonder how to be polite when it comes to problems of misidentifying another person’s pronoun. Here are some general tips:
1. If you make a mistake, correct yourself. Going on as if it did not happen is actually less respectful than making the correction. This also saves the person who was misidentified from having to correct an incorrect pronoun assumption that has now been planted in the minds of any other participants in the conversation who heard the mistake.

2. If someone else makes a mistake, correct them. It is polite to provide a correction, whether or not the person whose pronoun as misused is present, in order to avoid future mistakes and in order to correct the mistaken assumption that might now have been planted in the minds of any other participants in the conversation who heard the mistake.

3. If you aren’t sure of a person’s pronoun, ask. One way to do this is by sharing your own. “I use masculine pronouns. I want to make sure to address you correctly, how do you like to be addressed?” This may seem like a strange thing to do but a person who often experiences being addressed incorrectly may see it as a sign of respect that you are interested in getting it right.

4. When facilitating a group discussion, ask people to identify their pronouns when they go around and do introductions. This will allow everyone in the room the chance to self-identify and to get each others’ pronouns right the first time. It will also reduce the burden on anyone whose pronoun is often misidentified and may help them access the discussion more easily because they do not have to fear an embarrassing mistake.